The Power of positives Denken

At the beginning of the year, I went to a meeting explaining the stages of a teacher's year-- mainly first year but in some way, every year.  Starting at 6-8 weeks in to the year begins the "disillusionment phase."  According to the summary, "They [new teachers] express self-doubt, have lower self-esteem and question their professional commitment" (CDE).  Let's see... check, check, check.  Not to mention, the stage preceding this is labeled simply "survival," which I am proud to say I (BARELY) did. 

I am exhausted, caught between trying to be a good teacher (which seems incredibly impossible) and not be a crazy, one-track-minded nutcase.  I want a life.  I love my boyfriend.  I love doing things, anything not teacher-related.  Yet, I find myself at the School from shortly after 7 a.m. until after 5 p.m (at least) almost every single day.  Not to mention the work I still haven't finished when I go home at night. 

Then throw the Holidays in the mix.  You know how a toddler becomes very agitated when its schedule is disrupted?  Teenagers, unbeknownst to them, are exactly the same.  A 2-day week may be wonderful to us but to them, it really could be the worst possible decision.  Their energy levels are off, their concentration is gone, and the chance that they might possibly remember the homework assignemnt-- laughable.

I've actually found myself thinking... I was a better teaching last semester during student teaching than now. 

There is another teaching going through this simultaneously.  Incredibly helpful.  We bounce ideas, behavior management solutions, frustrations back and forth.   But how lovely would it be if another teacher, one that had been here years and was a respected and valued member of the professional community, decided to help us? Listen to us vent and give us ideas, tests, strategies... Oh wait.  I have a mentor who is supposed to do that. 

It seems to me that, as with many things, we forget how hard it is at the beginning.  Teachers have gotten into the routine of lesson planning and grading papers.  Their lives are a constant flow.  They forgot how miserable the first year of teaching was for them.  My new teacher friend and I are promising ourselves not to be that way... but will it work?


So after a few weeks, okay, at least a solid month, of being frustrated and overwhelmed and really just a negative Nancy, I have decided to do a bit of experimentation this week.  What if I come to school positive?  No more thinking, Oh God, I hope XX doesn't come to class today   or  Just get me to 3:00 and I will be fine. 

So far, it seems to have helped a bit.  Definitely not entirely.  It still sucks that I cannot get 2 of my classes to be quiet for 3 minutes and that I don't really truly feel that I am teaching anything of significance to my English classes.  I am trying to remember.. it's my first year.  I can't be perfect.  But... that starts another rant!

And.. according to the phases of teaching, Christmas Break should be a life-changer.  Afterwards comes "Rejuvenation" and finally "Reflection" and "Anticipation."  Two and a half weeks cannot go fast enough!

Frohe Weihnachten, Freunde! :)